Thursday, 29 July 2010

The Farm

Guy Takes the Bathtub Test for Mental Health.

During a visit to the mental asylum, Guy asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said Guy. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or teacup.
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. (Pause.)
... Guy, do you want a bed near the window?'

Someone who works in mental health, once said to me ‘I don’t how a deaf person is going to cope in the nuthouse, deaf awareness is not their forte.’

How true that is. I’ve had dealings with mental health practitioners, therapists and the like.

‘Get out the way son, you’re using my oxygen.'- McMurphy quote.

First one was with some sage for some therapy sessions. This sage obviously skipped his deaf awareness course and it was me who had to give him a crash course. But after like 10 minutes of us talking, he’d slip back into his bad old habits of mumbling. I thought who needs help here? I’m the one who needs my head sorted out and I’m getting another headache over the very things I’m trying to get away from!

He was like a broken record. His cheesy line was “You can’t change who you are, but you can change how you think.” Hell, this guy needed to get a job on the Jeremy Kyle Show or something..

I had to laugh, because after 8weeks of therapy, he started telling me all about his wife! LOL

Next up, was a meeting with a mental health practitioner, which turned out to be one of the funniest guys I’ve ever seen.

He looked me in the eye and sized me up. Then went on to ask me some bizarre questions.

‘What do you eat for breakfast?’ he asked

What do you think,..Cocaine with Shredded Wheat.’ I replied followed by manic laughter from both sides.

Next question ‘Do you have a roof?’ he said

I replied ‘My roof is thinning somewhat,' pointing to the top of my head.’ Again he rolls about laughing.

‘Do you hear voices in your head’ he went on.

‘No, I have tinnitus’ I said

‘What’s that?’ he asked

‘Well, if you squeeze someone’s acorns, then that will give you an idea.’ I said

This guy was off again, laughing and pulling out his hanky which resembled a table cloth to blow his horn.

I figured by now, I’d like to have his job. It sounds like a lot fun asking all these weird questions that you just wouldn’t dream of putting to David Cameron.

Then he pulled out this card with a bunch of numbers on and passed it to me. ‘If you get into a pickle, call up one of these numbers.’ he said.

On looking at these numbers, I looked at him and said ‘OK, so I call up the Samaritans via type talk and ask them to get me out of a pickle?’

‘OK, we have a problem here.’ he replied

He didn’t have a clue, so it was down to me to keep it together and not get into a lather.

Seriously, where do deaf go for help? NADP and LINK are as useful as a chocolate teapot. Depression and deafness goes hand in hand. For treatment of bad depression, then medical professionals are needed to be seen for some happy pills.Other than that, it is down to the company you keep that will either help you, or be of a hindrance to you.

I didn’t really know anyone who could relate to what I was going through. I got frustrated and even angry, whenever people tried to down play my problems. Even family members can be annoying as hell, as they try with all good intentions fix you up. Only people who'd been in my shoes really understood how it felt. And by chance, I knew a mate who was going through similar stuff as I was. We got together and chatted about it all, there was no need to hide anything like you would with others, who weren’t on the same wavelength. A little help from my friends does in some way ease the pain a bit.

I got that Beatles song going on now.

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends....


  1. AnonymousJuly 31, 2010

    I just went mad, but Im laughing now(like a maniac!) Hard to stay sane when you cant hear the world around us.

  2. Tell me about it. Just got back from a 'family' get together and there I was, missing out on a whole load of conversation.

    Not nice.

  3. well im really stressed and tired at the moment how do you manage to keep your sense of humour mine went long ago :(
    I really need to laugh again hope its soon !

  4. A sense of humour and deaf friends were the only things that kept me sane. There is very little help out there. There is the following -
    National Deaf Services
    Sign Health
    Deaf Health Talk, looks like a complaints blog
    Deaf Info
    MIND Birmingham
    and there is training for health practitioners at

  5. Dia, I didnt laugh for a LONG LONG time. Now with the C.I coming soon, the future seems brighter and the hearing(or not hearing!) is easier to look at rather than trying to cope with. Does that make sense?! I have a future now, I didnt a short while ago. PS this is cyborg in a field but account was having a wobbly!

  6. Funnyoldlife, thanks for the links. They may help anyone who stubbles across this blog. lol

    Dia,..a sense of humour is all I have left..the rest is lost at sea.

    Soozie..Thank god for CI eh? where would we be without them? left in the dark no doubt!

  7. Never thought Id say it but yeah thank god for C.I!