Snap, crackle, pop now fu*k off.

Environmental does the mental with cyborgs. Even with Clearvoice, certain sounds reverberate through every fibre of my being. I turn from Jekyll to Hyde in a nanosecond.

I’ve been a cyborg for some 5 months now and it’s always the environmental that makes me think WTF. Environmental is anything nature conjures up, I will throw kids in the mix as I’ve come to the conclusion the CI doesn’t like kids. Lol

Cyborgs tell me wind is one helluva bitch to put up with and I have to agree. Whoosh in your ear’ole and nowt else gets a look in...a real pain if you’re trying to have a conversation outside. If the wind doesn’t let up, cyborgs will start shadow boxing and cursing all the guys up there for eating too many baked beans.

Motor bikes and the like, is another that gets on my tits. Vrrrrrooom past my ear’ole as if a plane is about to land in your back yard, doesn’t bode with me either.

I’m convinced we cyborgs undergo a change in personality as the more we hear, the more we try in vain to screen it out. Selective is something hearies muster to a fine art. But if you’ve been deaf a long while, then the brain wants to hear everything, so selective doesn’t get a look in.

Most of us in the UK get given just one CI on the NHS. Kids on the other hand get two for being two goody shoes. With one, I have no sense of sound direction and don’t hear in stereo. It’s still good, don’t get me wrong mind. But, we humans just want the whole deal, two working ears.

The CI is a miracle..strangers in the street have said that to me. I’m in full agreement, I got my hearing back in one ear and my life has been a whole lot easier. I can now make up for all those lost years and recapture my dream of working for myself again.

A cyborg working for himself? Now that’s not something that happens everyday eh?