Sunday, 13 February 2011

R.I.P Subtitles..

From watching telly tubbies to songs of praise, I needed subtitles to understand the lingo. So, for years Ceefax 888 was my domain. Anything that didn’t have subtitles was a huge turn off. If you invited a HOH friend over to watch a film and at the last minute mentioned that it didn’t have any subtitles. The colour would drain from your friends face and you'd watch as they’d go to a corner and weep inconsolably. Lol

I know how it feels, your knackered and there’s this film you wanna watch on tv. Your even more excited cause it comes with subtitles. So you change into your PJs, get the popcorn out, draw the curtains and lie spawned across the sofa. The film starts and then a caption appears saying ‘ Sorry, we cannot get subtitles at this moment’..’Arrrrrrrggggggh’ you kick off big style. In the process manage to stub your toe on the coffee table and subsequently scream your head off. Your neighbours four houses down the road, hear you and wonder what the fu*k is going

So there you are, pissed off almighty and nursing a throbbing toe. Your hearing aid then starts playing up, cause of all the condensation build up. You then throw it at the telly yelling abuse as you do so. The aid reciprocates off the tv and flies out the window. Problem is, you live in a flat and it’s the fourth floor. You then rush to the window and see where it’s landed. Which is akin to trying to find a needle in a haystack. You put on your dressing gown and go out in search for your hearing aid.

As you make your way down the stairs you pass your carer who’s eighty and asks you what on earth your doing in your dressing gown. Lol You explain in your best voice and your carer helps you in your search for the aid. Outside you stare at the tarmac, looking in vain for your beloved hearing aid. ’ It’s over here’, your carer says as she hears it whistling for dear life. You rush over and there you see it, covered in dog shit.

Same old shit, different day…

With my CI though, I don’t need to cry and ask someone to sing me a lullaby anymore. In true bionic fashion I hear what’s being said. I’m amazed myself how this can be so. My mind has gelled with the CI, they are fast becoming best buddies.

It’s liberating and I’m happy to leave that manky hearing aid on the shit pile.


  1. Only in England would you get a caption apologizing for not having captions!

  2. Hi Howard, that's real funny.