Sunday, 19 September 2010


Thursday 23rd is the big day for me, whereby I will become married to an implant for life I guess. I’ve spent so many months chasing this implant and now it is finally making it’s way to my head. I’m choosing Advanced Bionics Hi Res 90 for the implant and Harmony for the processor.

My left ear will be implanted, being the last ear to go tits up and so will be the first to get jump started. My right ear is just an environmental pick up which will serve me some purpose while I go nuts waiting for switch on day.

So any residual hearing I have in the left ear, will be terminated 23.9.2010. This is the trade off and swap shop for something potentially so bloody awesome that it’s like trading a Mini for a Ferrari.. a no brainer. All bells and whistles..only the thing won’t whistle. Can you imagine that? No feedback, no more me blowing in the tubes and spraying ear wax and condensation everywhere. I should frame my hearing aid and write an epitaph for it, donate it to Cambridge Emmeline Centre for all to see and have a chuckle as they undergo their CI assessment.

I won’t be sad to kiss it’s sorry ass to Timbuktu. It is an end of the hearing aid era for me, time to take that leap of faith into cybernetics.

I will go into theatre with a big smile on my face for I have more reasons to smile. (*wink, wink*) Lol The bit where they knock you out sparko is the bit I’m thinking about. People say it’s like having a nice sleep and waking up in someone else’s bed. Lol

Then it will probably feel like someone’s taken a Black ‘n’ Decker to my head. I will dose and triple dose myself up with pain meds. Don’t ask me to take part in Trivial Pursuit at this point thank you. I will look around and watch the nurses run around like headless chickens as they tend to some poor soul. I will look at myself in the mirror and let out a big scream that is reminiscent of psycho, because my head is likely to be wrapped around with bandages that would make one look like the elephant man. Don’t expect me to model for some top shelf magazine at this point okay.

So, I will probably be shuffling around like someone from Michael Jackson Thriller movie. It’s thriller night..oh baby, I’m gonna thrill you tonight. Lol

I’ve been told not to eat a single Jelly tot from 11am Thursday. So I’m gonna be so ravenous that I will want to eat a super size meal from good old Mac. But fellow cyborgs have shot that one down, saying you will need a straw mate.

Well fly me a wotsit instead.


  1. Just wait till you get the paper pants and the sexy socks, lol!! I stuffed my face after op, was STARVING and have been eating lots since too, surprised I'm not a beach ball yet.Maybe have to squash that big Mac down or into the liquidizer it goes. Sure you'd manage the chips. Oh yeah and after you scream at the elephant man bandage you might faint when you see the angle of yer ear. lol. All our happy vibes will be with you on the big day x

  2. hey clive, best of luck tom.
    i love ur blog and will be following it,
    do keep us up to date when ur fellin better,
    enjoy all the drugs..........

  3. Hi
    One more day and one more nite and it will be done !! Exciting moments ahead I will be thinking of you xx

  4. Cheers. Not looking forward to wearing those weird socks and paper pants..sounds a bit too kinky for my liking. lol

    Thanks for the well wishes..As Arnie says

    'I'll be back..'