Enter at your peril.

Lets talk about deaf clubs. We all know they’re meeting places for the deaf to go. Often the highlight of their week, and for many it costs them a fortune in taxis fees. But thanks to DLA this makes it possible for them.

But as a cyborg it is really a question of them and us. Enter a deaf club as a cyborg and all eyes will become transfixed on your CI. Everyone watches as you go to the bar and heaven forbid if you don’t sign your drink, you really are in the shit.

Well that was me the other night, standing at the bar and talking…cough cough splutter I ain’t suppose to use my voice. But I did, cause I’m lousy at sign. I can do the rude signs, but that’s no good if you wanna get served. So I ask my girlfriend what’s the sign for red wine and do my best to relay that to the barman. That wine sign is like the phone sign to the ear, and I just cracked up man. Laughing hysterically I say to the barman ‘phone for you.’ Lol

Luckily for me I got my wine, all credit to the barman…top dude. But I had to pay extra to these geezer who looked like some gangster. In his best voice he explained as I was not a member we had to pay £2 extra, protection money me thinks..

A CI to them is some form of evil. So all evening I got the evil eye, and by the end of it I was ready to turn into Arnold Schwarzenegger .

It wasn’t my first time at that place either, second actually. I figured they went easy on me first time, kinda hoping I wouldn’t come back. Lol Well, I did and boy did I feel the vibes in that room, so intense it was I’m telling you.

This geezer came up to us, all friendly which is sound mind. But like, within a few minutes he’s asking us for our phone numbers and suddenly we are supposed to be best mates. Winking at me, doing the old hand jive thing he’s like trying to butter me up so I can be his taxi driver for the next five years. Well fuck me it ain’t gonna happen. Still, for most of the evening he’s there, following us around like a bad smell. Ordering another round of drinks, the barman tells us to be on our guard, for he’s really a psycho as if I didn’t know already. Lol

I do my best to keep chilled mind, and talk to this other dude who I saw last time. But it was hard going cause I’m an oral guy and hearing this guy talk is like listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks. So I throw in a bit of sign to give my ear a break, but quickly realise it ain’t working.

You gotta sign to fit in with this lot. There’s no use being a cyborg in them places either. As soon as you enter, you ought to switch off your voice, real handy if you happen to have a sore throat . I was hoping to meet folk like me, but I’m thinking that’s not gonna happen in them places.

They also have a bingo night, which I stumbled across the first time I visited. It’s all done in sign of course, so folk will sure get a stiff neck from looking up at the signer and down to check their numbers. Lol And I wonder what the prize is for winning? An ipod? Fat use that’ll be eh? Tee hee

I even came across a HOH guy wearing hearing aids. He says he’s HOH but starts signing like a fruitcake to me. I tell him, to quit the sign and use your voice. What’s does he do? He feckin carries on signing. I told him for the umpteen time to cut the crap and speak. Oh no, he carries on and well by then I’d seen enough and upped.

Play by their rules, or get the fuck out.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Found...one careful owner required.

Heard about this the other day, I gotta tell you about it.

Someone left their hearing aid in a department store, WS8 postcode area. The manager of the store is looking after it. There's a big poster at the information desk asking for it’s rightful owner to reclaim it. Lol

I mean that just cracks me up. How did that happen I wonder? Did he or she catch it on a Christmas tree and left it dangling on one of the branches? Or was it a case of the owner wanting to remove it, cause the wife was nagging him to death? I dunno, but here’s my theory.

The owner is old, I mean well old with a case of alzheimers. Cause you have to be pretty dumb, to go off without realising something is amiss. I also reckon the owner was looking for some hearing aid batteries for it, and took it out to double check that they were the right ones. And in a fit of excitement, the aid got left behind, with the owner leaving the store with just the batteries. Lol That’s just so darn funny.

The other theory could be that, the old aid was giving the owner some serious grief and with it being Xmas and all that. The owner just thought sod it, they can have it, placing it on a shelf next to the shredders and laminators.

I mean how often does this happen? For hearing aids to be left in department stores that is? We’ve all heard about knickers and the like being found on trains, that’s kinda normal right? But a hearing aid?

Nah someone’s off their head.

The biz.

Looking at the picture, there’s no hiding the fact I’m a cyborg. I’m no a girl and don’t wear wigs either. Does it bother me how it looks? Not one bit and let me tell you why.

Cause it looks like a blue tooth device. It’s futuristic and trust me you won’t see many cyborgs at your local Sainsburys. So when you do see one that looks like mine, you ought to ask for an autograph.

A CI is so much more than a hearing aid. For a start, there’s no ear mould to wear so I can once again feel the wind blowing in my ears. You don’t get whistling feedback like you do with aids, which has to be the most annoying thing about hearing aids. And of course, I don’t have to worry about blocked tubes anymore.

My CI sits comfortably over my ear. The cord that connects to the headpiece tucks nicely behind the processor. Keeping the cable discreet. I did this, cause the cord was too long and did looked silly. The microphone is situated right by the ear, so picks up sound like a normal ear would. I have add on colours that I can use whenever I fancy. The battery is rechargeable and lasts on average 9 hours or so. We cyborgs of AB have a little purse to carry two other batteries for changeover. No warning is given when it’s time to swap them over, so a little forward planning is needed.

During my hearing aid days, I did think the CI resembled a huge contraption on one’s head. It bothered me that much that I wrote to a CI manufacturer and voiced my concerns. What surprised me even more, was they were in full agreement of what I said. LOL!

But times have moved on and so has technology. How it looks, isn’t so much a concern, but more importantly, how it works for you. If your CI works likes a Jelly tot, then fair enough it is a piece of shite.

My CI works for me. From calling up people on my mobile to listening without lip-reading I’m living it up big style. My everyday program is CV Medium IDR70 100% T-Mic. CV seems to work better for me now, I’m finding speech comes through clearer with CV. It also sounds good with music, so I’m just riding on one slot for now.

I got given a blue tooth loop for Xmas * thanks babe x * but I’m getting buzzing with it, so I’ll need to talk to the audie about this on the 5th Jan. My IDR on this is 60 with 70/30 Mic. Just calling direct without the loop works fine to get round the buzzing.

So, It’s now a new year and for me as a cyborg, a whole new way of life. I have made great strides in the space of just two months and with my listening assessment coming up, it will be interesting to see how I’ll fair then and in the months to come.

Happy New Year Folks!